Emotional availability is a term often tossed around in today’s dating culture, but what does it truly entail?
At its core, emotional availability refers to the ability and willingness of individuals to be present, open, and responsive to the emotional needs of someone else. It is a crucial aspect of healthy relationships, and particularly so in romantic relationships. In a nutshell, emotionally available individuals engage in meaningful exchanges, and can provide support, while expressing their feelings openly, honestly.
A deeper dive into what emotional availability means, looks like this: how to recognize it, and how to cultivate it in ourselves and our relationships.
In romantic relationships, emotional availability manifests in multiple ways:
- Open Communication: Emotionally available partners are comfortable discussing their emotions, thoughts, and concerns with each other. An atmosphere of trust and safety is created where both parties feel free to express themselves without fear of judgment or rejection.
- Empathy and Understanding: When empathy toward partners is expressed, it is demonstrated through actively listening to needs and feelings. They strive to understand their partner’s perspective and validate their emotions – even if they do not always agree with them.
- Consistency and Reliability: Emotionally available individuals are consistent in their actions and behaviors, which helps build trust and security in the relationship. They follow through on their commitments, show up in times of need, and prioritize the relationship.
- Vulnerability: They are willing to be open and vulnerable and share their innermost thoughts, fears, and insecurities with their partner. This fosters intimacy and deepens the emotional bond.
Meanwhile, emotional unavailability in romantic relationships manifests itself as:
Avoidance of Emotional Intimacy: Emotionally unavailable individuals can struggle to engage in deep meaningful conversations about feelings or emotions. They can deflect or shut down discussions about sensitive topics, preferring to keep things safer, on the surface level.
- Difficulty Expressing Feelings: They may find it challenging to express their own emotions or provide emotional support to their partner. They may downplay or dismiss their partner’s feelings, or avoid addressing relationship issues altogether.
- Inconsistency and Unreliability: They may exhibit inconsistent behavior or send mixed signals, leaving their partner feeling confused or insecure about the relationship and its future prospects.
- Fear of Commitment: emotionally unavailable individuals may shy away from committing to a long-term relationship or expressing desire for future plans together. They may have a deep fear of intimacy or struggle, and feelings of vulnerability.
But why do people become emotionally unavailable? It often traces back to early childhood experiences, particularly in the context of the parent-child relationship – those unmet emotional needs. Caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or inconsistent, due to their own childhood, trauma’s, or inner worlds, may inadvertently teach their children that expressing emotions is unsafe, or unwelcome. As a result, individuals may develop coping mechanisms to protect themselves from emotional pain, such as shutting down emotions, or avoiding intimacy.
So how can a person become more emotionally available? It starts with self-awareness, introspection, and a willingness to challenge old patterns and beliefs. An individual will ultimately need to be able to look in the metaphorical mirror and see where they are emotionally unable to show up. They must then be open to doing the work to open themselves up. This often requires a supportive other (partner, friend, therapist, etc.) to explore their past experiences, as well as identifying emotional barriers and defenses they may have created. Building a healthier way of relating and communicating is not easy, but it is possible. Therapy can be a valuable resource in this process. It provides a safe space to explore underlying emotional wounds, and helps learn new ways of being with the self and others.
If you’re ready to explore your emotional availability and enhance your relationships, I invite you to book a session with me.
Let’s embark together on this journey of self-discovery and growth.
After all, it’s all about fostering deeper connections and finding greater emotional fulfillment.